what I planned in Del X-mas ...

Last night, we celebrate christmas party for PIDEL Community Alumni and there I met friend, who I miss the most or even I hate the most. Before going to that place, oh yeah FYI, I was late came to that party. I've got a plan and I've arranged them since I heard the clygerman speech in office christmas. It told us that we won't ever make a succesfull thing and get any succed if you have reverenge to someone or it's simply said if you still hate someone and you don't ever think to forgive that guy. Me, myself, has thought and planned some resolutions to welcome the new year, new hope, new day, new in getting and doing the better things, and hope I can go to school next year. Through that speech, I remember that I've hated someone (I know, I don't like some of my friends, but I don't think that I hate them, just don't like ...). I knew, I was gonna meet the guy in the celebration and I decided to talk to the guy and tell the real thing and try to forgive (sometimes I think it's better to keep distance between us.I think it helps in forgive all). It's not really good to be a hyprocrate. You feel so tired, trying to give the best smile and talking bla..bla.. thing to make them happy, those guy you don't like or even hated by you. But behind, you really want to kick them or throw the spittle upon their face. When I wanted to talk them, the guy become act so grrr ... ( I mean I don't really like) and looked happy (or even busy to talk to almost all the people there ?), I don't care the guy was happy or not because I was happy then and I wanna get some peace of me. I think I'll try to found another time to talk to, but If it is possible before I go to college ...

I don't know whether the guy I mean in this context will understand and realize, but if you realize ... I hope you'll know and think the best solution for this because I think you must hate me too. It's okay ... we're draw ....

Now, about the christmas celebration. It was so simple and we were not so lucky then because the main people of the foundation didn't come. He's got another guess who was more than us and I think it was okay.All he did not for personal needs but I think for this country. We must feel happy enough to get Mr.Patuan with us and sang a Christmas song. It's good enough voice ... Hopefully next year, he'll come ...

xmas@office (nyuri start ...)

Last night, I followed Christmas celebration in my office, and it was so simple for a huge company like that. We celebrated it in a simple church near a four junction street in front of Millenium Hotel and the church is named 'Kasih Tuhan' (God's Love, I think it is the simple term in English). I'd planned this since I got the invitation but the insane man almost made it failed, He, with his disgusting mouth, i don't think that he's gonna think twice when he wanna tell something. He really makes me sick.
oh yeah finally, I came to the christmas celebration and I don't think all the Christians in office were there, it was okay I think. It was better not to come if you think it force. Don't be hypocrite. There were children choir and they named themselves 'Voice of Angels', they were very young. and they are orphan. Their parent died in Ambon's riot. The mother of them told us that she took them from jungle where they tried to hide from the people who wanted to kill them. I think, Ambon's riot was a big tragedy in our country. They sang good and yupp ... really angel voice. They were so innocent and they did the best what they can do in the christmas. One of the song that I really liked was uhmmm I forgot the title but the main point in the song was they give and keep faith and hope in Jesus while they were scary in the riot. And the mother of them told us that that song is usually sung by Ambon people when there was a riot.

BIRTHDAY ....

Today is my day and I don't have something special. Everything was just like yesterday, woke up at 5.10 ( I woke up first than my alarms) because a stomach pain, got a shower while singing and then I felt like choking because I consume too much toohpaste foam in my mouth.
Went back into my room and saw my mobile at a glance, no new message or missing phone call like last year when I got my birthday. When the day turned to 5 december last year, I got at least 5 new messages. It was okay then because now I live together with them, those who sent me a birthday message last year.
No special gift today, most of friends said that well ... I'm gettin' older and hope everythings turns to be better in me.That' so sweet. I hope in my new age I'm gonna be better, more mature in facing problems, more mature in thinking and behaving, I can go to college again and get my degree as soon as possible (I guess I'm gonna wish this in my next birthday if I still got Lord's mercy), be good in Jesus (this is the main point) and my family get better each day. Some of you may know that this is the hardest problem I face 'till now.I always pray for this ...

Today in office was a hard battle in me, It's cold outside and inside (especially inside), double cool with the air condition.I got very hungry before lunch time and made me keep seeing my meal-box and hope that it'll make me full ... huahahaa ... In fighting with the nature battle in office, I realised how my life was beatiful for some very simple reasons.Through it all, like I felt today ... (because it's my day).

Written, December 5th, 2006 after lunch ...

At night my friends brought a yummy blackforrest and we celebrate together.It was very simple but I was happy, they said a nice word and their wishes on me and I thought I've got to be better ... Thank you for all and thanks for the cake.For my first cake, I decided to give it to my brother. Why ...? because I wanted ...For my roommate Tinor and Lady, thanks for the shoes ... I love it and I think I'm gonna wear it in this christmas ...

Morning to office ...

I don't think that I'm ready to begin this week, I feel weak and really get bored in the office, not because the condition but I think I've gotta take a rest and get myself out of routin activities. I spent my weekend by sleeping and taking a rest but I don't think it's enough. My brother got a very horrible teeth-ache. I don't know for sure how horrible the pain was, but I think it was quite miserable, he couldn't really enjoy his meal, so the best thing for him is having porridge as a meal (weakkk sss ....). So I decided to accompany him and make sure that he felt okay in his efforts to strugle with his pain in the teeth.

I woke up this morning with no spirit in mind. I let my mobile phone sang 'Always Coca-cola' (i set my mobile alarm with this tone) and let it sang 'till I decide to turned it off.It was quite damn annoying but without it I can't wake up from my bed.I got a shower after washing my clothes (fyi: using my own little hand) and shaking my toothpaste and toothbrush together in my mouth and think 'to do list things @office for today'.There's a lot bugs that I've got to fix after this beloved company decided to launch my web. Jakarta is always the same each day when I go to office, warm weather, full of smoke and traffic jam. A little singing beggar accompanied my way to achieve office and they sang a same song like the boy of their age usually sing ... 'panasnya matahari ... kami bernyanyi disini ... kuputuskan urat malu ... and so on'. I decided to give 500 rupiah. Looking at the little boy (I don't think they go to school) I remember a few days ago when I went home from Church, when I saw a litte street singer sang the same song, He sang while he wept his tears, I guess that his parents asked him to streetch his hand upon anybody to get some coins if they don't do so, their parents hand will talk them the truth, don't hope they'll see DUFAN which are dreamed by more than a half of children in Jakarta as a true paradise, even for daily meal and school fee they must be in street and breathe a very horrible jakarta's air. The other thing I saw this morning, last morning and absolutely for tomorrow morning was the people stand in public bus, while the driver's friend (kenek ... see how I explain them ... ?) mention some places that most of people decide to stop there loudly.Another thing is some people who tries to avoid being sleepy in public bus or the other who put the earphone in their ear and enjoy some songs, and the other like me ... see outside the people thru' the dusted bus windows.

Almost 15 minutes observing people in public bus, I reach my office, do my daily absent and sit in my desk ... do my daily boring activies ... I hope on this month I get enough vacation to avoid this feelin' ....